No Means NO! unless you're in an MLM

So what got me started blogging about my MLM life and my now Anti-MLM stance? Podcasts and TikTok actually.  There are some great ones out there and I will start sharing them in future posts.  

One of them, A Little Bit Culty, is by Sarah Edmonson and Anthony 'Nippy' Ames who were both part of NXIVM (prounounced Nexium), a cult of which they became whistleblowers. Their podcast is fascinating and covers all things that are just a little bit culty...such as MLMs.

In catching up (I listen to podcasts in between audiobooks so I have to backtrack a lot), I found one they did with guest Emily Lynn Paulson, who was high up in her MLM company.  She has written the following book and I knew I had to read it. So for the last few days, I've been listening to this audiobook and I have bookmarked so many parts I knew I needed to share it.

Every single thing she says (except for being in the top 3% of her company) resonates with me and my 20 plus years in MLMs. Every single thing. The scripts, the white culture, the female mean girl club, the "sisterhood", the IPAs (not pale ales...income producing activity) and on and on... I encourage you to pick this book up.  She's done extensive research, she speaks out now against the MLM business model.  And like me, she doesn't want to bring hurt to anyone currently in one, she still loves her friends that are involved, but she also now sees just how harmful these companies are.

This post was inspired by just a small part of one of her chapters.  Things are popping up into my head that either I ignored or didn't realize at the time. I hope this helps someone else.

In today's culture (#Metoo, #shesaid...) we are learning just how much we should say No and even more so, how we should accept when others say NO!  Especially women. Especially in areas of our lives that are run by men (like the workplace...stay tuned for the next post).

Yet in the MLM environment, we are told "a No right now is just a future YES!  Don't take it personally, keep tabs on them." Women telling "Boss Babe" women NO and going with their intuition to stay away...but then being continually pressured to say yes and ignore their intuition.  And in the same breath we, as Girl Bosses, are probably saying "Yes Girl! tell them NO you don't have time to help the school or church, go with your gut something is probably wrong with XYZ..." etc... 

Huh...anything sound wrong with that? I never saw it till now :-(

You may say "I'm just following my upline, the scripts, it worked for her, and I really know this product will help, I just want my friend to feel better...lose weight...have healthier hair...truly" and you won't be lying, I get it, you really want to help, like your upline helped you. 

But here's the thing...by not taking her "No" you are devaluing her, not helping her. Telling her that her "no" doesn't mean anything to you, that her "Yes" is all that matters. I mean, sure, you're friends, but once she signs on the dotted line you become Business Girl Bosses together which is so much better right? Until it's not. Until she realizes her NO was the right response and gets out.  

Then she falls by the wayside because as a Boss Babe, you don't have time for girls with "NOs".

How do I know? Cuz I've done it. I've signed my best friend up for every MLM I signed up for, I've signed up my sister-in-law, I've signed up my mom, my female cousins...oy vey. Telling them all how awesome the current products are, saying we can go to conventions together, teaching them how to add to their teams so we "all" make more money...ugh.  Thank heavens they still love me and my best friend stayed with me because they had EVERY RIGHT To be done with me.

I didn't realize I was doing this to other women, devaluing them, mean girling them by not taking their initial "NO".  even if I wasn't mean about it...I mean we are taught to be positive so I stayed positive. And I feel awful for it. I saw it as a positive outlook..."Betty said no today but after she sees what this does for Jane and Sally, she will come to me and ask to join!" There's not much difference between that thinking and the thinking of a college kid taking advantage of a co-ed and saying she asked for it. No, really. 

I hate that I taught my downline to "friend" others just to get sign ups. Not sales...sign ups, because in an MLM you make the big bucks by recruiting not by selling product. (See previous posts for more on that aspect). I can say I never asked them to do the whole "Hey Girl" messages but I might as well have. I would do Give Aways for adding Facebook friends to our group. Because the more we share the joy and love of the product and company, the better we do in the company. All under the guise of "I have this amazing product that everyone NEEDS to be healthy, it has proprietary ingredients."  

But see...no one NEEDS any of it. In fact, if we do need it, there are cheaper versions of almost every MLM product out there.  Proprietary? that's just marketing. Honestly. Most everything can and will be copy-catted.  But back to the No...

I used to think Young Living was THE only true pure essential oil company out there.  I fully admit I touted that loud and proud constantly.  When I heard "No, I'll just use the oils at WalMart" oh my we had a script for that one!  "But those are "adulterated" with all kinds of chemicals" I'd say. But now I fully and humbly admit I was flat out wrong. I was lied to and then repeated those lies, believing they were truth, because all I was taught was their propaganda, which I believed as truth because they had all the research, right?  I wasn't allowed to say No and I wasn't supposed to let anyone else say No to me either.  If they said No I wasn't working hard enough. 

Again...are the products from MLM companies good? Absolutely.  I still use what I have in my house because I've already spent the money.  But are they worth the price they charge? No. Are they worth cold calling people to ask them to join up? No. Are they worth losing friends over because they will get tired of you talking about those products? No. Not for me anymore.  

I still have many friends in these companies and I adore them all.  I will never unfriend or unfollow because I'm now an Anti-MLMer. They may unfriend or unfollow me and that's fine. truly. I get it. I am not trying to bash any particular company because that's not my place.  When I speak of Young Living or Stampin' Up or Plexus or what have you, it's from my experience. 

My place and my purpose for these blog posts is to share what I've been learning.  To apologize for my part in many of these friends signing up for MLMs. And to get my story out in the hopes that someone else may not end up in debt or in marriage trouble or so many other things that happen to the majority of women who join MLMs.