My "Oh Geez" moment

Or what others may call an "Ah-ha!" moment...it hit me like a bullet in the heart while J has been at Lions Camp this week.

Dropping J off in Unit 5, Cherokees

Most of you know while this is not J's first time at Lions Camp (he has been to day camp for 7 summers), this is the first overnight week there.  My "Oh Geez" moment came on his first full day of camp. You see, J has been really homesick. I truly did not anticipate that he would be this sad. I thought he would get over it pretty quickly. SP and I went to camp Monday morning to enjoy the Trout Fishing concert with the staff and campers. I didn't plan on talking to J, so I sat in the back. He saw us of course and his counselor came to chat with me. He told me J was really sad, was having a hard time and didn't think it felt "right" for him. So, after the concert, J and I chatted for a few minutes. Being the tough mom I am, I told him he needed to stay because he and I both know that if he didn't, he would be mad at himself all year. (which is what had happened the one year he didn't do the zip line...he was mad at himself all year.  So the next summer he did it!  He will probably never do it again, per his words, but he was so glad he did it).

Unit 5, this is wing B to the right.  J's bed is right next to that first large shuttered window

Then he proceeded to tell me that he was worried he wasn't doing things right, helping out the counselors, etc...  That's when it hit me.  See, this was my doing :-(  I had been working with him on making his bed, telling him that since he might be more capable than some other campers it's nice to help when he can, blah blah blah. Because I remembered being a counselor and it was always nice to have a few campers who could help with smaller things.  You see where this is going for my anxiety-ridden child.  Yes.  I didn't until this moment.  I promptly told him to forget everything I had told him and to have fun.  I told him I had been wrong to focus on those things,  because those "things" (making your bed well, etc...) are what the counselors are THERE for...to HELP HIM.  Geez.  Mother of year award goes to...NOT ME. 


Then I realized that I do try to make him more "normal" physically sometimes more than I should, by pressuring him to do things more like me (no snarky comments here like "but you're not normal!").  I know I need to help him learn to work things out the best he can and continue to grow towards being more independent, but at the same time I need to always remember how he reacts to things and that he is who he is.  I am not the one who can change that, nor should I.  That's between J and God.  My job is to be the best mom I can, pray, encourage and pray some more.  Oh Geez.

A photo taken by the staff Sunday night so I know he has smiled a few times!

Yes, I want him to continue to learn to be more independent but I have possibly messed up what could have been a wonderful first time at overnight camp.  Ok, that is stretching things a bit, because he also just really misses us, especially his baby brother.  What can I say?  We are a close family and we actually like being together!

My sweet friend KA (who works at camp with her hubby) took this pic for me at J's campout.  Again...chatting with a fellow camper and smiling. Good, right?  I hope!!

I am praying when I pick him up Friday evening, he will be sad to leave camp.  That he will be so happy to see us, I have no doubt, but I hope his week has turned out to be the fun, amazing experience it can be. 


This mom has definitely learned her lesson...and it only took me 13 years.  Oh Geez.