Adaptations...

Our life is one big adaptation. I realize most families have to adapt when new things enter their lives, as kids grow, as schedules become busier, etc... nothing new under the sun, right? But for us, adapting is sometimes a minute by minute way of life. You would think we'd be pros by now, I mean we've had 10 years to become accustomed, right?

This struck me on Sunday after our pastor mentioned how we normally don't have to think about climbing up stairs or walking from one place to another, we just do it...while this was not a major or even moderate point of his service, it's what I caught on to...well, because in our lives, we do have to think about those kinds of things w/J. He has to think everytime he stands up from the couch that one foot goes one place and the other foot goes another place or his balance will be off. He has to think hard about where to put his hands to stand up steadily. He has to think even harder if he's asked to hold onto a handrail and step up into the car or on a few stairs. And this is all before he even gets to his school work everyday! No wonder he gets so tired. We have to adapt most everything that those of us w/out disabilites don't have to spend even a second thinking about. We use a stool to help him climb into the car, we work with his teachers to reduce or rearrange what he has to carry in his backpack, we attach his backpack to his walker because carrying it on his back while using a walker is just awkward, we have larger door frames in our home, bars in the bathroom...you see where this is going. Just little things that we are used to as a family, but I worry about getting done because I'm mom I guess. (Please don't think I'm complaining here...I'm just giving you a point of reference)

Along with adapting so many things, the therapist in me also wants him to work harder on being independent because I know what the future can hold for him if he would just trust. To start figuring out his own adaptations. I know a paralympian, I know an incredible teacher with cerebral palsy, I know many, many disabled professionals. There are times I wish J had more faith in his abilities or in me or in T...that we are there if he falls (or that he will be ok if he does fall), that he is a strong boy, that we aren't making him do things just to be mean or teach him a lesson, that while adapting is a way of life for him...his possibilties in life are still endless.

Don't you think God is amazed at our lack of trust sometimes, regardless of our "disabilities". He's probably just up there shaking His head & thinking..."I just love her...it would be so much easier for her if she would just trust me more on this." or "Don't cage your gifts in, girl, get outside that box and adapt...let me show you what I have planned for you...you'll be amazed at how much better it is!" "Just let go, I've got this for you!" So I guess J comes by it honestly, because I know God has his hands full with me sometimes!

All of this comes to me as J's 2nd day in 4th grade comes to an end. He's been highly nervous about going back to school, he has not been anywhere near happy about it. I've been nervous again because I tend to prepare myself to defend any "adaptations" I feel we need for a successful school year. (I have only had to "go to the mattresses" a couple of times in 7 years of J's schooling, but I still think about the "what if's"). We yet again went through "why did Jesus make me this way? why do I have CP? it's so hard." on Sunday night.

However...Day 1 was, and I quote, "AWWWEEESOME!", but he just knows it's gonna get hard again.

Day 2..."it was still fun, mom!"...and yet there were still 2 comments tonight about how he just knows it's gonna get hard again like last year. T & I keep reassuring him, telling him to trust us, to trust God...but I guess it's just something he has to continue to figure out day by day on his own.

Does this sound familiar to anyone out there? We can tell people about Jesus, about our Savior and Lord, we can show them the way, but they still have to figure it out day by day on their own. They have to open their hearts to God on their own. They have to come to the place of trust on their own. I know it happens, becaue I've done it...and I'M still figuring out stuff day by day...anyone? I see it as J grows that he learns to trust more and more, but he is still scared of new things. Just like I am with new things God gives me. Do I have the ability to do what He wants? Will I fall? Will it be fun? Will it be hard? Will I continue to listen? Will I have to adapt?

Adaptations...we all have to make them in our lives, even more so I think as believers and children of God. I hope I will continue to adapt, I hope I will become better at it, I hope I will become a more encouraging "adapter" for my son, not only physically but spiritually.